dodge. duck. dip. dive. and. dodge.

i haven't said anything in a while. it's because i fear there isn't anything to write about. my classes are going well, although i question some of my teachers' intelligence. i feel that they use words like "sociological" because they know it's important for the subject they're lecturing over.

i went to black church this week. it was interesting. a lot of people disagree with the preacher, but i've figured out why he's so set in his ways. he has been through so much in his life. he was very involved in the civil rights movement and fought in korea. he has had to stand up for what he believes in so often and so fervently that he is now like a stonewall. i can't argue with a man who has seen what he has or fought for what he actually fought for. he has survived it all and i respect him for that.

that made me start thinking about my life. what are people going to respect me for when i'm like 75? so far, nothing. i lived during the 9/11 attacks, but did nothing to help. except for write a poem. i did some stuff in high school with journalism and theater. but nothing that will mean anything in twenty years.

of course, this should be a good thing. no one will have to say "my grandma fought to save her own life during a riot." or something horrible like that. but still, it makes me feel so obsolete.

i'm selfish and pitiful.

miss everyone.