staph... still running rampant through my body.
i'm about to cry.
i don't know what to do.
i don't know why i've lost (soon to be) $600 or more because people wouldn't just listen to me and write me a $4 prescription. twice i've asked and my concerns were dismissed.
now who knows, i could get stuck in the hospital...
i need hugs.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
the whole truth and nothing but said truth
sorry if i offend anyone with my insensitive metaphor (or technically, it's personification)... but it's the only way i can explain it.
my phone had a stroke. it was temporarily paralyzed on the left side. i called apple. of course, they were accommodating.
BUT THEN, it just magically started working again. HOURS after troubleshooting techniques! wonderful no?
i'm hearing all about relationship problems that i don't care about from a certain roommate of mine. but i'll get over it.
i miss amber. but i'm patient.
i have NO idea what i'm doing in december after i graduate. andrea will most likely be in one of three places: russellville, new york city, or los angeles.
if she is in russellville, i will be in van buren with my parents. i will most likely substitute teach for a while because i will have an easy time getting a job there.
if she is in new york city... of course, i'll be with her. we will be fulfilling a dream that has lived longer than most... umm pets that live 5 years. haha.
if she is in los angeles... i'll probably be there too. because i've never been there and i wouldn't mind living in the sun for a while!!
i'm afraid about something. a few things.
my phone had a stroke. it was temporarily paralyzed on the left side. i called apple. of course, they were accommodating.
BUT THEN, it just magically started working again. HOURS after troubleshooting techniques! wonderful no?
i'm hearing all about relationship problems that i don't care about from a certain roommate of mine. but i'll get over it.
i miss amber. but i'm patient.
i have NO idea what i'm doing in december after i graduate. andrea will most likely be in one of three places: russellville, new york city, or los angeles.
if she is in russellville, i will be in van buren with my parents. i will most likely substitute teach for a while because i will have an easy time getting a job there.
if she is in new york city... of course, i'll be with her. we will be fulfilling a dream that has lived longer than most... umm pets that live 5 years. haha.
if she is in los angeles... i'll probably be there too. because i've never been there and i wouldn't mind living in the sun for a while!!
i'm afraid about something. a few things.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
tower over me
so everything seems so up in the air right now. getting sick and paying doctors' bills (yes, multiple bills from multiple doctors) and losing work hours... not good for the college kid.
i am better though. i took my last band-aid off yesterday... hopefully. i'm going to have hailey check it out in the morning, see how it's doing. so fingers crossed, i don't get a cyst again. however, it could happen. that doesn't leave me happy. like i said, fingers crossed!
in other news, i created a twitter. i feel more connected with ellen and dane cook. which, of course, is my lot in life. mission accomplished.
the office almost gave me a heart attack tonight. watch it if you dare.
boys still suck.
i really want to start eating a little healthier and MAYBE actually excercising once in a while. we'll see.
nicole's lingerie shower is saturday. we have the best game planned. i'm excited.
probably the most shocking news of all, it's now been over two months since i've had any communication whatsoever with adam. i feel so abandoned by him. for the entire week i had staph and didn't know one minute from the next if i was going to be hospitalized i kept thinking about it. not that i wished we were together, just that i could call him. every night around 1am i started freaking out thinking (worst case scenario, of course) that i could be VERY sick, possibly deathly, when i woke up. and my one companion that i knew i could tell anything to, was no longer a part of my life. i've honestly never felt that before. it made me so angry with him and with myself. i only wish i hadn't invested so much of myself in it. i know it's my fault. but something awful happened to me, and it could have been even worse, and he would have never known...
goodnight, i'm sad.
i am better though. i took my last band-aid off yesterday... hopefully. i'm going to have hailey check it out in the morning, see how it's doing. so fingers crossed, i don't get a cyst again. however, it could happen. that doesn't leave me happy. like i said, fingers crossed!
in other news, i created a twitter. i feel more connected with ellen and dane cook. which, of course, is my lot in life. mission accomplished.
the office almost gave me a heart attack tonight. watch it if you dare.
boys still suck.
i really want to start eating a little healthier and MAYBE actually excercising once in a while. we'll see.
nicole's lingerie shower is saturday. we have the best game planned. i'm excited.
probably the most shocking news of all, it's now been over two months since i've had any communication whatsoever with adam. i feel so abandoned by him. for the entire week i had staph and didn't know one minute from the next if i was going to be hospitalized i kept thinking about it. not that i wished we were together, just that i could call him. every night around 1am i started freaking out thinking (worst case scenario, of course) that i could be VERY sick, possibly deathly, when i woke up. and my one companion that i knew i could tell anything to, was no longer a part of my life. i've honestly never felt that before. it made me so angry with him and with myself. i only wish i hadn't invested so much of myself in it. i know it's my fault. but something awful happened to me, and it could have been even worse, and he would have never known...
goodnight, i'm sad.
Monday, February 9, 2009
dodge. duck. dip. dive. and. dodge.
i haven't said anything in a while. it's because i fear there isn't anything to write about. my classes are going well, although i question some of my teachers' intelligence. i feel that they use words like "sociological" because they know it's important for the subject they're lecturing over.
i went to black church this week. it was interesting. a lot of people disagree with the preacher, but i've figured out why he's so set in his ways. he has been through so much in his life. he was very involved in the civil rights movement and fought in korea. he has had to stand up for what he believes in so often and so fervently that he is now like a stonewall. i can't argue with a man who has seen what he has or fought for what he actually fought for. he has survived it all and i respect him for that.
that made me start thinking about my life. what are people going to respect me for when i'm like 75? so far, nothing. i lived during the 9/11 attacks, but did nothing to help. except for write a poem. i did some stuff in high school with journalism and theater. but nothing that will mean anything in twenty years.
of course, this should be a good thing. no one will have to say "my grandma fought to save her own life during a riot." or something horrible like that. but still, it makes me feel so obsolete.
i'm selfish and pitiful.
miss everyone.
i went to black church this week. it was interesting. a lot of people disagree with the preacher, but i've figured out why he's so set in his ways. he has been through so much in his life. he was very involved in the civil rights movement and fought in korea. he has had to stand up for what he believes in so often and so fervently that he is now like a stonewall. i can't argue with a man who has seen what he has or fought for what he actually fought for. he has survived it all and i respect him for that.
that made me start thinking about my life. what are people going to respect me for when i'm like 75? so far, nothing. i lived during the 9/11 attacks, but did nothing to help. except for write a poem. i did some stuff in high school with journalism and theater. but nothing that will mean anything in twenty years.
of course, this should be a good thing. no one will have to say "my grandma fought to save her own life during a riot." or something horrible like that. but still, it makes me feel so obsolete.
i'm selfish and pitiful.
miss everyone.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll!
I had the BEST weekend of my life. and here's the one reason for it.
It was a crisp Saturday evening when Adam took me to my first ever hockey game. The St. Louis Blues were playing the Chicago Blackhawks (this is where I break to remind you that we are cheering for St. Louis because that's where we were).
The pregame was great because the group that came to sit behind us was packed with goofy almost drunk college guys. They were witty and not overly offensive. Just my kind of guys.
Sadly, within the first two minutes the Blackhawks snuck in a far too easy goal. Soon the Blues were trailing 2-0. By the end second period, though, they had scored their first goal. In the middle of the third period, they had gotten the score up to 3-2 only trailing by one goal... however, in a hockey game, one goal means everything.
I was really getting into the game a lot more aggressively than I had anticipated. By the last 3 minutes of the third period I was so busy concentrating and getting anxious I had forgotten how much my nose felt like it had frozen and felt like it could shatter.
The end of the period drew nearer as fans were screaming louder than I'd ever heard at a live sporting event. Granted, I haven't been to one since high school.
Then AMAZINGLY in the last 18 SECONDS the Blues scored the goal that tied up the game and threw it into overtime.
The crowd was screaming, the almost drunk college guys were jumping all over the place (include on my back)...
... and then time stopped...
In an instant I had gone from screaming new fan to girl who's dreams were coming true. He took me in his arms, dipped me back as far as the stands would allow and kissed me for what seemed like an eternity (in a good way). I can't describe how much my head and my heart were working together to feel the excitement of that moment but to also remember each millisecond of the most amazing kiss I had ever received.
I think my head and my heart made a pretty good team. Never again will I watch a sports movie and see the couple kiss after the game winning score and wish that were me.
and by the way, the blues won in a shootout after a no scoring overtime. it was the greatest thing i've seen live since my high school basketball team won state in the last two seconds.
It was a crisp Saturday evening when Adam took me to my first ever hockey game. The St. Louis Blues were playing the Chicago Blackhawks (this is where I break to remind you that we are cheering for St. Louis because that's where we were).
The pregame was great because the group that came to sit behind us was packed with goofy almost drunk college guys. They were witty and not overly offensive. Just my kind of guys.
Sadly, within the first two minutes the Blackhawks snuck in a far too easy goal. Soon the Blues were trailing 2-0. By the end second period, though, they had scored their first goal. In the middle of the third period, they had gotten the score up to 3-2 only trailing by one goal... however, in a hockey game, one goal means everything.
I was really getting into the game a lot more aggressively than I had anticipated. By the last 3 minutes of the third period I was so busy concentrating and getting anxious I had forgotten how much my nose felt like it had frozen and felt like it could shatter.
The end of the period drew nearer as fans were screaming louder than I'd ever heard at a live sporting event. Granted, I haven't been to one since high school.
Then AMAZINGLY in the last 18 SECONDS the Blues scored the goal that tied up the game and threw it into overtime.
The crowd was screaming, the almost drunk college guys were jumping all over the place (include on my back)...
... and then time stopped...
In an instant I had gone from screaming new fan to girl who's dreams were coming true. He took me in his arms, dipped me back as far as the stands would allow and kissed me for what seemed like an eternity (in a good way). I can't describe how much my head and my heart were working together to feel the excitement of that moment but to also remember each millisecond of the most amazing kiss I had ever received.
I think my head and my heart made a pretty good team. Never again will I watch a sports movie and see the couple kiss after the game winning score and wish that were me.
and by the way, the blues won in a shootout after a no scoring overtime. it was the greatest thing i've seen live since my high school basketball team won state in the last two seconds.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
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